Saturday, December 23, 2006
Flava of the old school
I hated high school.
So much.
High school in a rural community is the last place where you want to be a gay teen in Canada. I am sure being a gay teen in a rural community in the deep south is way worse, especially if you are black - but I was not so I can not really comment. I am just assuming that it would suck big time.
High school is not a popularity contest, it is a war. And everyone involved in the battle is willing to do almost anything to one up someone else. That is what makes it such a horrible experience for all. I have run into those from high school who had it all since we left and they were just as unhappy as I was, however, I did not go out of my way to make them more unhappy. I couldn't, I was almost at the bottom of the food chain.
The high school food chain in my school was best viewed at lunch time in the cafeteria. The cool kids sat at the front near the stage. These were the popular kids, the jocks, the cool kids, the kids with money, and the attractive. Next were the "normies" these were the kids who were okay, there was nothing all that esoeteric about them, but also nothing freakish that could be made fun of. They made up the majority. After the normies were the skids, the smokers, the sluts, whatever derogatory comment you wanted to give them. They were the ones who smoked, did drugs, had sex, and were wild and crazy. Then there were the weirdos, the freaks, and the intellectuals. There were about six of us we all banded together. Following us were the geeks, the nerds, the incredibly smart but seriously lacking in social skills they also banded together. Then there were the loners. They were the individuals who just kind of hung out and around and had no friends and no one liked them or really knew them. We only had a couple and I really know nothing about them.
In the terms of this social hierarchy I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was a lot smarter than I realized and I was a lot crazier then I knew. I dressed very creativley (ugh is what I think when I look back and remember some of the crazy outfits I chose), I had weird wittisisms and I was just misunderstood. But I also kind of liked it. I was a boundary pusher, I was like the gay madonna of my high school. I was also fat. Being gay and fat - is never a good combo, straight people don't like you, gay people don't like you, you don't like you.
Looking back on high school I have very mixed emotions. I grew up too fast there, I had to, I had too many adult situations to deal with that I could not be my age. I hated so many people who I am not sure I forgive, but I had some good friends that I regret losing contact with. Although the lied when they said you can't go home, (you can unless your parents are dead or they moved) but you can never go back to that element of emotions that made home feel like a quaint little hell hole.
So much.
High school in a rural community is the last place where you want to be a gay teen in Canada. I am sure being a gay teen in a rural community in the deep south is way worse, especially if you are black - but I was not so I can not really comment. I am just assuming that it would suck big time.
High school is not a popularity contest, it is a war. And everyone involved in the battle is willing to do almost anything to one up someone else. That is what makes it such a horrible experience for all. I have run into those from high school who had it all since we left and they were just as unhappy as I was, however, I did not go out of my way to make them more unhappy. I couldn't, I was almost at the bottom of the food chain.
The high school food chain in my school was best viewed at lunch time in the cafeteria. The cool kids sat at the front near the stage. These were the popular kids, the jocks, the cool kids, the kids with money, and the attractive. Next were the "normies" these were the kids who were okay, there was nothing all that esoeteric about them, but also nothing freakish that could be made fun of. They made up the majority. After the normies were the skids, the smokers, the sluts, whatever derogatory comment you wanted to give them. They were the ones who smoked, did drugs, had sex, and were wild and crazy. Then there were the weirdos, the freaks, and the intellectuals. There were about six of us we all banded together. Following us were the geeks, the nerds, the incredibly smart but seriously lacking in social skills they also banded together. Then there were the loners. They were the individuals who just kind of hung out and around and had no friends and no one liked them or really knew them. We only had a couple and I really know nothing about them.
In the terms of this social hierarchy I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was a lot smarter than I realized and I was a lot crazier then I knew. I dressed very creativley (ugh is what I think when I look back and remember some of the crazy outfits I chose), I had weird wittisisms and I was just misunderstood. But I also kind of liked it. I was a boundary pusher, I was like the gay madonna of my high school. I was also fat. Being gay and fat - is never a good combo, straight people don't like you, gay people don't like you, you don't like you.
Looking back on high school I have very mixed emotions. I grew up too fast there, I had to, I had too many adult situations to deal with that I could not be my age. I hated so many people who I am not sure I forgive, but I had some good friends that I regret losing contact with. Although the lied when they said you can't go home, (you can unless your parents are dead or they moved) but you can never go back to that element of emotions that made home feel like a quaint little hell hole.
# posted by No one asked us @ 7:22 AM 
